We’ve Reached the Sex Cult Conspiracy Stage of the Stormy Daniels Story

As the world careens further into a disaster of its own making, it’s time for the weirdest story, most Trumpian scandal of the modern age to get its own sex cult conspiracy theory. Much like how a group of bored web surfers looking for dirt on Hillary Clinton found out in 2016, when Pizzagate reached its nexus, anything can be turned into a sex ring controversy, whether that be a reference to an art book, like the one that kicked off Pizzagate, or a surgery scar, which now has Internet sleuths pouring over naked pictures of Stormy Daniels looking for clues.

On Monday, following Daniels’s photoshoot with Penthouse, the magazine asked Twitter, “Who knows what @StormyDaniels tattoo is of?” Obviously, this leaves the publication open to attack to just about the entire Internet, including @BackChannel17, some conspiracy theory account that joined Twitter less than one month ago. If there was ever a source to trust, it’s a nascent Twitter account with a numeral in their username and the Air Force seal as their avatar.

@BackChannel17 alleges that this is a branding for NXIVM, the sex cult that recently led to the arrest of Smallville star Allison Mack, and if you quint hard enough and imagine something is there, you can see what he’s talking about. NXIVM, which started as a marketing scheme, would lead young women into a sex trafficking ring where they would be blackmailed into performing sexual acts with group leader Keith Raniere, including a branding that would scar the skin of his victims. Mack was recently arrested for her role in NXIVM on charges of sex trafficking and forced labor conspiracy, so it seems only fitting that someone on Twitter would tie Daniels to this, seeing as she is slowly chipping away at Donald Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani’s sanity.

But as these things tend to spiral out of control, other so-called “Truth Warriors” have joined in on pretending Stormy Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, has some sex-cult branding that can only be seen if you’re the type of person that has “QAnon” in their Twitter profile.

Daniels, the consummate professional, who has been racking up points online by dunking on nerds, has been, well, dunking on nerds about this as well. As she states, the scar that everyone is obsessing over instead of, I don’t know, spending time with their family or loved ones or anything else on the planet, is a surgery scar, dating back to 2012.

However, due to the fact that Stormy one time tweeted this in 2010, the internet will never stop looking over her body for clues, hints or possibly places to photoshop branding scars to prove their unprovable point.

So you can be sure to get ready for more indecipherable tweets from users with names like “TruthSeeker” that seem to create clear map that ties Stormy to the cult. Convincing.

#INTERNETNEVERFORGETS pic.twitter.com/25dG5AjA03

— TruthSeeker (@ButtersStotch77) May 9, 2018

But the Internet is a fickle place, and the story has already made its way to the Alex Jones’ proverbial vomit bag InfoWars. All our political differences aside, Can’t we just all agree that if a news story ends up on a website that’s more interested in selling you boner pills than actually reporting anything of value, we should think twice before buying into it? Nope. why would anyone do that in a world where loudness speaks louder than news?