Texas Woman Demands Ted Cruz to Prove He's Human

Ted Cruz has been accused of a lot of things: the Zodiac Killer, a liar, a Canadian--just to name a few. But the last thing anyone would call the Texas senator is "human." Now he has to prove it.

At a campaign stop in Austin, Texas, a woman confronted Cruz about his positions on healthcare. Reading from a written statement, Tammy Talpas, explained the dangers of Cruz’s attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act and concluded by asking the senator if he would be able to prove that he was, in fact, human.

“I take your threats of medical aggression personally and seriously; and I can assure you, I’m not the only Texan… who does,” said Talpas. “My question is: Will you pledge to submit to a DNA test, to prove that you’re human?”

Cruz quickly attempted to change the subject.

“Well, ma’am, thank you for that, and one of the great things about our democratic system is we can treat each other with respect and civility,” he responded.

But Talpas wasn’t going to take “one of the great things about our democratic system is we can treat each other with respect and civility” for an answer. She pressed him harder, insisting that this was a serious “yes” or “no” question, and considering that it’s probably illegal for a non-human to hold public office in the U.S., it could be very serious for Cruz’s career.

“Ma’am, if you want to engage in insults, that’s your prerogative, but I’m not going to reciprocate,” he said.

If Cruz is going to avoid this very real and legitimate question, who knows what else he’s hiding. Surely, any human with nothing to hide would be willing to take a simple DNA test to prove their from this earth and not, say, part of the reptilian humanoid colony hellbent on hijacking and destroying America. How is there not an Alex Jones video about this?

So let’s break it down, is Ted Cruz human?

Does he have hands? Yes.

Does Cruz consume water? Yes (see below).

Does he consume pornography? Yes.

Does he breathe oxygen? Unconfirmed.

Was he recently branded America's least favorite senator by the Texas Observer? Yes.

Arguments against Cruz’s humanity:

He thinks this is funny:

Is he unfazed by the desperate pleas of his constituents to stop his assaults on affordable healthcare? Yes.

Are piece of his face falling off? "Yes.": Is he repairing the broken pieces of his face by eating them? Unconfirmed but likely.