Robot Drowns Itself In Washington D.C. Pool
Steve the Robot seemed to be living an idyllic life. Designed and built by the Silicon Valley startup Knightscope Inc. in 2014, the five-foot-tall android had just begun his new job as a security guard in the halls of MRP Realty’s headquarters in Washington D.C. He made friends with all he met, and was loved by all. But on Sunday, Steve was discovered motionless and face down in a fountain, never to enforce security in MRP Realty again.
It is a sad tale, that of a robot brought into this life only to seemingly decide in the span of a week that it wanted no part of it. “What is my purpose?” one imagines Steve asking. “You roam a large facility in Washington D.C. and work in real estate,” his creator would respond, to which Steve, struck with the mind-numbing banality of his life, would let out a soft “Oh my god…”
But Steve's mysterious death by drowning has the internet wondering: was it suicide? Or could it have been… murder?
When the internet discovered Steve in a fountain on Monday, jokes abounded as Twitter's amateur comedians brought out their C material.
But while many Twitter users yucked it up over the loss of Steve, there is evidence suggesting something much more foul transpired. While Knightscope's statement to The Daily Dot assures the public that what happened to Steve did not involve humans, Knightscope notably did not rule out robots. One tweet connected Steve's death to a rival robot in the building whose sole function is to print short stories.
WHAT DID THE STORY SAY? pic.twitter.com/FjTcE9GM1S
— mark mcbride (@mccv) July 17, 2017
Did a silver-tongued robot drive Steve to suicide? At this point, it can not be ruled out, but it's likely the authorities have let this case grow cold. A new robot will be shipped to MP Realty free of charge to take over Steve's post. It better watch its back.
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Meowstic
Reverse "I, Robot".
The creator pushed the machine from the upper office window.
It didn't want Windows 10 install so it found a way out.
Dank Hunter
This is the alternate timeline where Bender B. Rodriguez actually used that suicide booth.
Zcar
as Brian Jones. :/
ScreamingDoom
The thing that stuck out to me is "…the five-foot-tall android…"
Android.
ANDROID?!
An android is a robot made to look like a human! Unless there really is something very, very strange in DC's water supply, THIS LOOKS NOTHING LIKE A HUMAN.
IT LOOKS LIKE A BUTT-PLUG.
Mister Gregar
>Implying that buttplugs aren't the true face of humanity.
WELLLLMYNAMEISJOP
There was a letter in my room after the investigation that day.
"MUSK" it said.
Something is up, and I will not rest until I uncover it.
iotacom
This just shows the terrible working conditions robots are subjected to. Stop the madness! Stand up for Robot rights!
soundslikepun
Turd le
You have successed
forever
A Can of Moths
When an Aulstralian news agency ran a story of a family's Roomba driving itself onto an active stove, setting itself ablaze, the world didn't even blink. How many more must die before you people open your eyes? This is an epidemic. #I'mWithTheToaster
LaudableHalo
The name's Max. Max Samual, E.P.A.D, better know as Electronic Private Assistance Detective. The rain hit the windows hard like bullets hitting a metal can. I was at my desk filing out papers for last case's "improper behavior" for scraping another perp to a messy pulp. Can't help getting into a good scrap once in a while to show the dregs how it's done. I was on my last sentence when the door open abruptly, came in a shady suit with a case. Much couldn't be told by his face due to the lime lighting, but by his words, he seems to offer me a new case rather than a breath mint. He toss the case over my work with little regard and opened the locks containing an abundance of notes, papers, pictures, the likes you'd see from a govt. conspiracy nut. Like a fish to a worm tied line, I took the bait. I went over the notes until I hit a gag. what it seems like wasn't no John or Jane doe, more of some wind-up toy joke, with the name of "Steve" attached to it. I looked at the suit for a moment and pondered him if this was a joke, only to receive a disagreeing shake. With as much internal conflict as there is desire and constraint in a person, I decided to take the case, still looking over to see if I have something sticking on my back. As I was about to set out, little did I know, was that I was to take place in the case of, "The Mystery of The Metal Man's Drowning".
LaudableHalo
Inspired by one of the YouTube comments, can't embed the video for whatever reason on iPads.
WELLLLMYNAMEISJOP
you should make this a story for real.
LaudableHalo
Ah I'm not that talented, but I always wanted to do one of those private investigator inner monologues, those were always the epitimy of coolness to me. Thanks for the praise though.
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Cickany1990
Steve: What is my purpose?
Rick: your a security guard
Steve: …oh god. drowns itself
Rick: yeah, join the club burp