Australia Decides Not To Execute A Pigeon

In what is surely the most important news story of 2021 so far, Australia has decided not to execute a pigeon.

The story reads like a Disney movie: Joe the Pigeon was discovered in an Australian backyard two months ago with a band on its leg suggesting he was registered to an Alabama owner. He was suspected to have escaped from a race in Oregon and caught a boat ride to the land down under, where he could pose a biosecurity risk.

Were this a Disney film, the villain would be Acting Australian Prime Minister Michael McCormack, who was out for Joe's blood. "If Joe has come in a way that has not met our strict biosecurity measures, then bad luck Joe, either fly home or face the consequences," he said.

Others in the commonwealth were more sympathetic. Martin Foley, health minister for Victoria, urged the government to spare the bird. "I would urge the Commonwealth’s quarantine officials to show a little bit of compassion," he said.

The man who discovered him, coincidentally named Kevin Celli-Bird, also went to bat for Joe, arguing against his euthanization. "I thought this is just a feel-good story and now you guys want to put this pigeon away," he said. "And I thought it’s not on, you know, you can’t do that, there has got to be other options."

When Joe appeared headed for the electric chair, he was saved by an eleventh-hour intervention by U.S. officials, who determined the band on his leg was not of U.S. origin. Deone Roberts, sport development manager for the American Racing Pigeon Union, determined the band to belong to a blue bar pigeon, which is not Joe. “The bird band in Australia is counterfeit and not traceable,” Roberts said. “They do not need to kill him.” As for his American band, bird enthusiasts in Australia have noted that American tags are often purchased by local pigeon owners online for their own cataloging purposes.

Roberts' statement helped the Australian Agriculture Department determine that Joe (named for Joe Biden) was not a risk and likely of Australian origin. Therefore, no "further action" would need to be taken.

To cap off the Disney-ness of it all, Joe's new lease on life was celebrated around the world (at least on social media).

Roll credits, Joe.