Tenderqueer

About

Tenderqueer is a contentious slang term used to describe an emotional LGBTQ+ person with a sensitive and openly emotional disposition who uses their knowledge of social justice language in order to be insincere or avoid accountability for their own actions. However, the word "tenderqueer" has been discussed in popular culture since at least 2012 when it was first used as an aesthetic signifier for "femininity" and "softness." The term's definition has become subject to debate after it gained wider popularization on Twitter and pop culture. Another phrase used in conjunction with the word tenderqueer is "Steven Universe Gay," a phrase also associated with young queer people who have particular clichéd interests.

Origin

According to a 2018 article in Guts Magazine, the tenderqueer hashtag on Tumblr can be traced back to the year 2012. It was initially used by LGBTQ+ people engaging with pastel and floral aesthetics, as well as text posts about "vulnerability, coping, and feelings."^[1]

On September 30th, 2014, Tumblr^[2] user @bubbly-suffer-girl posted a reply to an anonymous user asking what "tenderqueer" means, gathering over 80 notes in over eight years (seen below).

According to Wiktionary, the word tenderqueer has also been used in a non-derogatory, self-descriptive manner by various LGBTQ artists and activists in the 2010s (seen below).^[3]

Spread

On February 12th, 2017, Twitter^[4] user @morganmpage posted a tweet acknowledging the negative connotations behind the word tenderqueer, gathering more than 90 likes in over five years (seen below, left). On August 10th, 2018, Twitter^[5] user @gnostiquette posted a tweet about how "tenderqueers" are the queer equivalents of "nice guys," adding that it is dangerous to accidentally stigmatize "niceness." The post gathered nearly 100 likes in roughly four years (seen below, right).

On October 31st, 2019, Twitter^[6] user @hologramvin posted a tweet with their definition of "tenderqueer," becoming the first tweet using the term to gain over 1,000 likes in over three years (seen below, left). On January 11th, 2020, Twitter user @agenderbird posted a tweet about "tenderqueers," gathering over 7,000 likes before making their account private (seen below, right).

On November 25th, 2020, Substack^[7] user dollyrose posted a now often-quoted substack post titled, "The Cursed Privilege of the Tenderqueer: And Why You Should Cultivate Some Resilience in Order to Avoid Becoming One" (seen below).

In August 2022, the word "tenderqueer" came under renewed interest after news emerged that Ana Mardoll, a person many described as a "liberal tenderqueer," worked at weapons manufacturing company Lockheed Martin. The word also saw renewed interest after Twitch streamer Keffals accused tenderqueers of lodging unfounded criticisms against her.

"At a BDSM Street Fair" Thread

On September 29th, 2024, Twitter user @dogmadeath^[8] began a lengthy thread that began "at a BDSM street fair and i may be realizing that i find sex incredibly gross actually."

During their thread, they detailed their disgust at San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair, which is an annual celebration of leather-based gay pride. They expressed disgust at seeing flaccid penises and bemoaned the lack of "transfem" presence at the event, though they were supportive of open sexual acts happening at the event until participants were stopped by security.

They openly admitted at one point that they found gay men "repulsive,"^[9] which led to harsh criticism of both the poster and general homophobia in the tenderqueer community. For example, on October 1st, user @jpbrammer^[10] wrote, "I don’t know when people got so comfortable expressing revulsion for gay men on here. but I think if you’re going to do so, you forfeit the right to the whole “I’m just a wittle account being dogpiled uwu” thing," gaining over 280 retweets and 8,100 likes in less than one day.

On September 30th, user @doctobaixue^[11] wrote, "Who needs right wing fearmongering about folsom when the smol bean tenderqueers will do it for you," gaining over 300 retweets and 3,000 likes in one day.

Various Examples

Search Interest

External References