I Think I Destroyed Our Relationship Trying To Compliment My Boyfriend

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About

I Think I Destroyed Our Relationship Trying To Compliment My Boyfriend refers to a viral debate that originates from an August 7th, 2024, post on Reddit's /r/TrueOffMyChest in which a woman shares how her boyfriend was deeply hurt and insulted by her telling him that she would not "hook up" with him but rather marry him. Screenshots of the post were shared to X / Twitter in early August 2024, sparking debates between users, largely men who considered the statement to be insulting and women who did not.

Origin

On August 7th, 2024, Redditor^[1] /u/Impressive-Test-1814 made a post on the subreddit /r/TrueOffMyChest, sharing an incident in which she accidentally hurt her boyfriend by telling him that "he is not someone who [she] would hookup or be a fwb with but marry." The post gathered over 4,000 upvotes in five days.

A transcript of the post is shown below:

My boyfriend and I are both 28 years old and together for 2.5 years. Yesterday night we were drinking and one thing led to another and I tried to compliment him by saying he is not someone who I would hookup or be a fwb with but marry. I thought everything was fine but he seemed extremely distraught after that. I realized how he understood it and tried to clarify it but he is still the same this morning. He told me he needs space to think for a while and left the house. All my friends tell me I messed it up and guys tell me it’s not a compliment and most men will understand it differently. I think I destroyed our relationship and I am panicking right now.

On August 8th, a screenshot of the post was shared to Twitter^[2] / X by user @Rothmus alongside the caption, "In no scenario whatsoever is this a compliment." The post gathered over 33,000 likes in four days (seen below).

Spread

The post sparked a viral debate on X over the following hours and days, with men largely sharing posts about why they see /u/Impressive-Test-1814's statement as an insult. For example, X^[3] user @GrumpyCatterman quoted the post on August 9th, 2024, writing, "Is there really this big of a divide between men and women? That they see telling a dude, 'you aren't attractive enough to have casual sex with but I'd settle down with you' is a compliment." The post gathered over 26,000 likes in three days (seen below, left).

On August 10th, X^[4] user @brenontheroad shared a graphic to explain why men might see the statement as insulting, gathering over 8,000 likes in two days (seen below, right).

The post was also shared to various subreddits by men who agreed that the statement was insulting, including /r/TyKwonDoeTV and /r/IndianBoysOnTinder.^[7]^[8]

However, many women shared posts justifying /u/Impressive-Test-1814's statement, arguing that its interpretation as an insult boils down to differences in the ways men and women view both casual hookups and marriage. For instance, on August 10th, X^[5] user @TheNeoMosala wrote, "They’re interpreting this as 'you’re unattractive to me but useful/safe' bc that’s how they think about choosing who to marry," gathering over 77,000 likes in three days (seen below, left).

Meanwhile, on August 9th, 2024, X^[6] user @TheEcho13 wrote, "This woman gave him the highest compliment – she thinks he’s husband material and someone she wants to spend her life with. He threw a fit because he wants to be thought of as a womanizing player even to his girlfriend of 2.5 years." The post (shown below, right) received over 17,000 likes in three days.

Many internet users also discussed how the perception of /u/Impressive-Test-1814's statement is highly polarizing with men and women interpreting it in vastly different ways. On August 9th, X users @HMBrough_^[9] and @HannahDCox^[10] made posts noting this, gathering over 2,000 likes apiece in three days.