Emily Bingham's Fertility Shaming Rant

Submission 14,569

Overview

Emily Bingham's Fertility Shaming Rant refers to a Facebook blog post by freelance writer Emily Bingham,^[4] in which she advises readers to stop asking couples about their reproductive decisions, claiming the practice is insensitive and rude.

Background

On September 20th, 2015, Bingham posted an ultrasound photo found on Google image search to Facebook,^[1] followed by a message urging readers to avoid asking couples about their plans to have children. The post added that it can be hurtful to discuss reproductive decisions with those who are struggling with a variety of health and fertility-related issues.

Expand Post Text

Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people’s reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family … before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works … before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop. Please stop. You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. You don’t know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don’t know who has decided it’s not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings -- but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends’ experiences -- it more than likely does.

Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it’s absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they’re excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you’re curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready.

In the comments section, Bingham revealed she was inspired to write the post by a friend who kept fielding questions about her reproductive choices after completing a year of exhaustive fertility treatments (shown below).^[10]

Notable Developments

In the first nine days, the post gained over 59,300 shares and 11,400 likes, with many praising Bingham for bringing attention to the sensitive issue. On September 28th, Redditor lufty submitted a post about the rant to the /r/childfree^[9] subreddit. The same day, an interview with Bingham aired on Good Morning America,^[3] in which she solemnly explained the reasoning behind the Facebook post (shown below).

In the coming days, several other news sites published articles about the online reaction to the blog post, including The Daily Dot,^[2] Metro,^[5] The Daily Mail,^[6] USA Today,^[7] the Washington Times,^[11] and the Telegraph.^[8]