'Cuckold Simulator: Life As A Beta Male Cuck' Is The Ultimate Wagie Experience

Cuckold Simulator: Life as a Beta Male Cuck is an early-access simulation game by the dedicated memers over at Team SNEED. It was released in May, and in a short two months has managed to gain significant hype, with over 500 overwhelmingly positive reviews on Steam and a number of let's plays on YouTube.

At a very affordable $3 pricepoint, and with such an intriguing premise (put yourself in the shoes of a cuck? Wowee!), the only significant thing you stand to lose by trying this game out is your dignity. With that in mind, I purchased the game and nervously waited for the download to finish, my Steam library tarnished forever.

In Cuck Simulator, you play as a chinless, proportionally bizarre man in a fedora and sunglasses known simply as “Cuckold.” He’s the every-cuck, a representation of the average cuck as seen through the eyes of the internet. Cuckold introduces himself through a monologue about working hard for his wife, who he’s eager to see after a long day of work.

Cuck isn’t portrayed as just a sexual cuck, but also a wage cuck and a massive pushover, as we’ll see more later on. Of course, it's all part of the lifestyle being put on display here in so much detail. After walking into the house, you are immediately greeted by a Black baby named Tyrone Jr. crawling around on the floor. He's “your” child, or rather, your bull’s child, who you meet shortly after walking up the stairs.

In the bedroom are Cuckold’s wife and Tyrone, the previously mentioned bull in the relationship. Cuckold bends to every one of his and his wife’s whims. The two speak with little to no respect towards Cuckold, and that lack of respect is reflected equally in Cuckold’s other "son" DeShawn, the older of Tyrone’s two boys.

DeShawn is introduced as a total brat who loves TikTok, and just wants to be a rapper and a Fortnite player like his dad. DeShawn is by far one of the funniest characters in the game with his disrespect and love of Twitch e-girls, who you can regularly see him watching in the living room. Despite all the disrespect thrown his way, Cuckold never complains about his lifestyle, but instead celebrates it. This is the way he lives and he's proud of it, a theme that continually pops up throughout the game.

The game follows a fairly tight structure that’s separated by days. Each day you wake up in the house as Cuckold. You can talk with DeShawn, run around the barren neighborhood, and look for your collectible “Funky Pops” that DeShawn has scattered across the world to spite you. To progress each day, you leave your bedroom (notably a different room than your wife and Tyrone's) and approach your car where you’re given the option to go to a number of places, including work, the nightclub and Chinatown.

Each morning starts by going to work, where you interact with your computer and earn about $100. Then comes night, where you can choose to attend either the nightclub or Chinatown, each with different events. Chinatown acts as a sort of shopping hub, while the nightclub offers some side missions. Finally, you go home and go to bed and the next day begins, just like the last. Thus is the lifecycle of the cuck.

The most enjoyable thing about this daily slog is all the timed events and jokes that happen in between. When you go into work on Day 2, for example, the boss tells you he’s going to upgrade your workstation. A few days later you return to work and your computer (now adorned with dual monitors) has been surrounded by the “wage cage 9000,” a joke based on the popular wage cage copypasta. You can try and tell me that isn’t funny all you want, but you won’t convince me.

Cuck Simulator shines when it comes to the small details and jokes like this. The game itself is very simple all the way through. All you really do is go to work, spend money and talk to people. This would be a nightmare if the dialogue, interactions and attention to detail weren’t so funny. Beyond the Wage Cage, my favorite joke throughout the game has to be the appearance of NPC Wojaks spread around the world as the game’s NPCs. They stand around like mannequins and act as a constant reminder that you’re playing an interactive meme more than a video game.

Jokes like this encourage the player to keep going despite the overall monotonous gameplay just to see what happens next. It’s fun trying to spot all the little memes here and there, and often they’ll come out of nowhere and surprise you with great comedic execution. Another highlight comes when you boot up the computer in your home, featuring a functional web browser that opens straight up to the Reddit homepage, a joke referencing the often shared opinion around sites like 4chan that Reddit is for soyboys and cucks.

Which reminds me, another great detail is the soy face selfie camera. By pressing “G,” your camera will automatically flip to a selfie mode and Cuckold will strike a perfect soy face, highlighting his distinct lack of a chin and dead eyes. Although limited, this mode proves way too fun, and it was hard to justify taking any screenshots without it.

Then there's the Chinatown side-quest involving a character named Chris. See, Chris’s girlfriend is on vacation, and she’s been posting pictures on social media with a bunch of tan chads. Chris is feeling insecure. Luckily, you’re Cuckold and you have the ultimate solution! You go to the bar with Chris and spend the next long while red pilling him on the joys of being a cuckold.

At one point, Cuckold has Chris repeat, “I AM HAPPY THAT SHE IS ENJOYING BEING FUCKED BY BRAZILLIAN CHADS” to a bar full of people, resulting in the bartender calling you out for being weird. It’s all very unusual, but it’s hard to say it isn’t entertaining, the whole thing playing out kind of like a bizarro Yakuza quest.

The early access game currently consists of seven full days with timed events and cutscenes, after which a dramatic final scene plays out between Cuckold, his wife and Tyrone. I won’t spoil it, but it sets up the next chapter of the game well, seeing Cuckold have to raise a large quantity of money to restore the sanctity of his lifestyle. It'll take you about an hour or more to get through this, but you can easily squeeze another two or three out of it after that. The game has a little side content outside of the main story, and the days keep progressing after the last current scene, with a number of interesting distractions available.

One of these, as we've touched on, is collecting Funky Pops hidden throughout the world, a parody of Funko Pops. That often means exploring all corners of the world and doing some parkour, although it would admittedly be more fun if the world was less barren. There are also a few side quests beyond Chris', like getting drugs for an anime girl in the nightclub so you can hopefully watch Tyrone have sex with her. The most interesting distraction is playing in-game games on the Nintendo Snitch, which you can buy in Chinatown. The two available games right now are "Anime Girl Genocide" and "Cuck Souls," and both offer something different than the base game to break up the pace.

"Anime Girl Genocide" is a hide-and-seek-like FPS game where you run around various locations in search of anime girls to kill. The overall premise is that the government has made anime girls real, but they’ve started acting up, resulting in the need for a genocide. The minigame is a nice changeup from the usual day-to-day life of a cuck, but it gets old pretty quick, and there’s no real challenge here beyond the time restraint. The anime girls don’t attack back, they just stand there ready for the DNA-ruining bullets, which glitch and mangle their bodies on impact. Of course, this is only early access, so who’s to say how the next few stages of the game might evolve.

The other game is "Cuck Souls," a parody of Dark Souls in both appearance and difficulty. This one is in the style of a third-person FPS. You’re given a machine gun, your jump is swapped out with a roll, and you’re put before a flying anime angel woman who throws magic swords at you.

The strategy here is to shoot the swords as they float around her head, dodge whichever ones you couldn’t shoot as she attacks, and shoot at her every chance you get. Every time her health gets down to a certain level she learns a new attack, making the fight increasingly difficult. I wasn’t able to complete it, but it wasn’t due to a lack of trying. That's Cuck Souls, baybee.

This one is much more intriguing than "Anime Girl Genocide." The Dark Souls parody is obvious and well-done enough to hit, and it offers a genuine challenge, despite feeling unfair at times. Sometimes the dodging just doesn’t seem to work well, and it’s very easy to fall off the stage here without noticing it. Still, as a way to break up the day-to-day work, Chinatown, sleep gameplay, this one is a lot better than the other option, and could turn into something really interesting post-early-access with the addition of new bosses and some polishing.

There’s a lot to be said about Cuckold Simulator for a $3 meme game that seems like it was developed simply to make fun of certain types of people. Yes, the game has a lot of problems, as well as a tendency to be problematic. There are lots of racially insensitive jokes littered throughout here, as well as lots of jokes teasing liberals, weebs, woke culture and, of course, cucks. If you don’t like offensive humor, you probably won’t like this.

Besides that, there are performance and graphical issues, a lot of opportunities for the game to crash and glitches all over the place. I had to put my graphics settings down significantly when playing this game, and even then it wasn’t exactly smooth. Of course, the Steam reviewers seem to take this as a plus, noting that the game "literally cucks you" in a few glowing reviews.

None of that, though, stopped me from enjoying a couple of hours that this game offered. It left me genuinely interested in what’s going to happen next, and I’m not sure how to feel about that all things considered, but there it is. The gameplay is repetitive, boring and simple, sure, but the game itself captures the spirit of the cuck meme so perfectly that it seems impossible for the seasoned memer and 4chan lurker alike to come out of it without a laugh or two.

With a lot more polishing and content updates, Cuckold Simulator could become a truly special project that perfects the interactive meme experience unlike ever before. Team SNEED knows their memes, and it shows in every inch of this beautiful mess of a game. Cuck or not, no meme lover should miss out on this affordable interactive meme experience.

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