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10 Bizarre Absolute Units Accompanied By Poetic Tributes

Left: a big cat absolute unit Right: a big owl absolute unit

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Published May 24, 2022

What you are about to see here may surprise you. The content that follows is all absolute units, from Reddit's /r/absoluteunits. Another word for that is chonks or "chonkers." Some are pets, some are gigantic cloves of garlic, but all of them are equally impressive and confusing simultaneously.

These absolute units are large and in charge, and sometimes disturbingly huge, enough to make the rest of us feel uncomfortable from looking at them. But at the same time, we're seriously impressed, and that's why you're about to be blessed with some poetry accompanying each of these deities' forms. We must cherish them, and hopefully this article will prove why we're lucky to be living amongst such oversized chaos. So sit back, relax and enjoy these odes to absolute units you'll soon come to know and love.

Looking Longingly Out The Window

Big dog, what do you see?
On what do you gaze so longingly?
Dear canine, king of bark
on my feed you’ve made a mark

Cloves

Oh, mighty cloves--
To be cooked with other food in stoves,
Special flavor
Mighty savor

Giddyup

giddy up giddy up,
it’s never enough
I want a bigger pony,
These small ones are so phony
No shrimpy horse
but a valiant stud
To run the course
And be my bud

Trunkated

Trunk of a tree
So large and woody
Growing very wide
Many years inside
So many rings
It’s seen many things

It Was Good

Oh, my king, my love!
Old egypt worshipped gods above
With ears like yours, big cat
With arms like yours, normal man
And I agree with that
I love this animal, I stan

Grrrr

Holey moley, massive bear!
So chonk, so fierce, so there!
He stands quite resolute
A unit, truly absolute,
You’ve got all fuzz, without any fuss
you’ve won the heart of each of us

Big Rice

In a plastic tin, big big rice
I bet it must taste very nice
The grain that built empires
And to this day still inspires

It Was A Hoot!

Queen of the night, regal bird
Silken feathers, head absurd
that spins around the whole way
luminous eyes, not seen by day

He Will Protect Us

My guardian, my chonker boy
Every pain I feel you may alloy
You’re here to save me, or so I hope
If you are with me, I can cope

Big In Canada

Big block, good to eat
sticky rice, right angles, neat
sweet and nice, krispy snack --
eat with a fork? how to attack?

Tags: absolute units, poetry, animals, reddit, unit, chonker, collections,



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